ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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