dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I believe in your delicious
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
