He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
