6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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