I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Randomize
