i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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