I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
