Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
