You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
