Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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