When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
