Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
