Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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