I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
