i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
