I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
