he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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