I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
