He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
