Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
