You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
