Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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