whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are we still banned from the library?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
