So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need to align my fucking chakras
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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