Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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