Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
