i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
