I can text with my tongue
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
