no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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