I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
