Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
