There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
