Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
