But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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