I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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