I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
thus making me awesome and them whores
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
