If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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