I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sarcasm needs its own font
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
