Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
