Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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