I CAN MOONWALK!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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