The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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