I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
