oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
