just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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