u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is Oprah even human
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
