I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im part way to drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
