'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
