i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
