today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
