im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
