Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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